


Reflection

by Oscarsings



Category: Starlight Express - Phillips/Stilgoe/Webber
Genre: short sweet and to the point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:08:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21838747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oscarsings/pseuds/Oscarsings
Summary: CB takes a good hard look in the mirror.
Kudos: 16





	Reflection

**_Slam_ **

The entire shed shook when CB slammed the door shut. After another horribly long and  _ painful  _ day, he was ready to just crawl into bed and shut down for the next ten hours. 

His old joints grated against each other as he tiredly rolled across the room. And the wooden parts of his body creaked with every small movement as he made his way over to the mirror to get a look at what kind of damage had been done today. As he did, he let out a long winded breath and removed his hat, running a hand through the matted bright orange curls atop his head. 

Reluctantly turning his face up to the mirror, he let the hair fall back over his eyes leaving CB to stare at himself with a tired and dry expression.

It... wasn’t a pretty sight to see.

With lipstick smeared, hair sweaty and tangled, paint all scraped up, and nails cracked, this caboose was in less than ideal condition. He had expected that his appearance wouldn’t be  _ perfect _ after what happened today, and all things considered he certainly looked better than he did after some jobs… but it still wasn’t great. But given how bad the “accident” today had been, the fact he wasn’t in need of a complete repair job was enough of a miracle to put a little smile on his face. 

A little one.

And standing there, looking at his ruined makeup and battered body, CB began thinking.

Today’s job- wait. Why did he call it a job? No one was paying him to do this, it was just for fun.

_...Fun _

_ Fun _ to run people off the tracks.  _ Fun _ to watch them crash  **_hard_ ** into the ground and get smashed to bits.  _ Fun _ to gain the trust of his partner, to  _ lie _ and  _ manipulate _ them, and then  _ fun _ to see their painful end carried out. 

Most- well, actually  _ everyone _ would consider that to be awful, cruel.

CB even considered that to be cruel. 

...so why did he do it?

Because it’s  _ fun. _

He stared straight into his reflected eyes.

...

What kind of  _ creature _ was he if he enjoyed something he  _ knew _ was cruel?

What kind of sick bastard was he if he found those cruel things  _ fun _ ?

How could he wake up every day knowing he’d done half the things he’d done?

How could he still manage to face himself in the mirror?

As he stood there, looking at himself with that smeared makeup, those horrible thoughts in his head, and broken body…

...CB smiled.

And he smiled some more.

He could manage to look into the mirror and face himself... because he liked himself.

He liked himself an awful lot even with all the scratches and chips. 

And he liked to have fun. 

So that’s what he will keep doing.


End file.
